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“How are you today?”
Would you really tell me?
Or would you assume that I am just being “nice”?
We ask people how they are every day. Most of the time, we are not really asking. It has become part of the protocol.
“How are you?”
“I’m great.”
“I’m fine.”
“Good. How are you?”
Nobody has said anything, but the professional exchange has been completed.
I see so many people thinking that professionalism means following some rigid protocol. Say the expected words. Give the acceptable answer. Keep the conversation moving.
But professionalism does not mean protocol.
Professionalism should not require us to remove genuine care from the way we communicate. It should not prevent us from noticing the person standing behind the position, the title, or the responsibility.
I often judge where I am with somebody by following up.
“How are you?”
Then I ask:
“Would you tell me if you weren’t okay?”
That question catches people off guard.
It interrupts the automatic answer. It lets someone know that I was not simply being nice. I actually asked because I genuinely care about the answer.
Sometimes they still say they are fine. That is okay. The point is not to force someone into a conversation they do not want to have. The point is to let them know that a real answer is welcome.
And sometimes the answer changes.
“Well, actually…”
That is often where the real conversation begins.
The only way to build meaningful rapport with another person is to break the blood-brain barrier.
I do not mean that literally.
The blood-brain barrier is a highly selective border of cells lining the blood vessels in the brain. It protects neural tissue from toxins, pathogens, and harmful fluctuations in the blood.
People have a barrier, too.
We protect our thoughts, fears, frustrations, and personal circumstances from people who have not demonstrated that they genuinely want to understand us. We provide the professional answer because the professional answer is safe.
Getting inside someone’s head is not about manipulation. Manipulation is trying to understand someone so that you can control the outcome.
Genuine care is trying to understand someone so that you can understand the person.
There is a major difference.
You do not break that barrier by pushing harder. You break it by asking a better question and being willing to stay long enough to hear the answer.
That is how deeper conversations begin.
That is how you learn what someone is carrying into the workday. It is how you discover what matters to them, what is distracting them, what they are trying to accomplish, and what they may need from you.
This matters in leadership. It matters in recruiting. It matters in business. It matters in every relationship where people are expected to work together and accomplish something meaningful. It even matters in personal relationships, especially in personal relationships.
Professionalism should provide respect and appropriate boundaries. It should not reduce human interaction to rehearsed language and automatic responses.
The next time you ask someone how they are, stop for a moment.
Listen to their answer.
Then ask yourself whether you were following protocol or whether you genuinely wanted to know.
And if you genuinely want to know, ask them:
“Would you tell me if you weren’t okay?” Or some other clarifying question.
Have a blessed day!
James Beine
#Professionalism #HumanConnection #MeaningfulConversations #Leadership #GenuineCare
